Increasing Cohabitation By Young People Disrupts 'Courtship Narrative,' Post Columnist Writes

The traditional "courtship narrative" of "dating, engagement, marriage, children," has been "disrupted without being replaced, leaving many 20-somethings" to "evolv[e] a casual, ad hoc version of their own: cohabitation," Washington Post columnist Michael Gerson writes. According to Gerson, the average age when people marry has increased to about 26 for women and 28 for men, and the number of U.S. residents cohabitating increased fourteen fold from 1960 to 2007. It does not "seem realistic to expect most men and woman to delay sex until marriage at 26 or 28," so for some people cohabitation is "a test-drive for marriage," Gerson writes, adding, "For others, it's an easier, low-commitment alternative to marriage."

According to Gerson, cohabitation is not "working out ... very well." He states that "[r]elationships defined by lower levels of commitment are, not unexpectedly, more likely to break up," noting that 75% of children born to cohabitating parents "will see their parents split up by the time they turn 16."

Although it "may not be realistic to maintain the connection between marriage and sex, it remains essential to maintain the connection between marriage and childbearing," according to Gerson. He adds that the "age of first marriage is important to marital survival and happiness." He continues, "There is little use in preaching against a hurricane of social change," but "delaying marriage creates moral, emotional and practical complications." The "challenge, as always, is to humanize change," Gerson says, concluding, "The answer, even in the relational wasteland, is responsibility, commitment and sacrifice for the sake of children" (Gerson, Washington Post, 9/16).


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